Welcome back to This Week in You Absolutely Couldn’t Make This Sh!t Up. Today’s episode features the Gorton and Denton by-election, Matt Godwin of Reform UK, one mysteriously prolific pensioner, and a printing company.
So, constituents received a heartfelt letter from a woman named Patricia. Patricia, we are told, is a disgruntled pensioner bravely speaking truth to power. Touching stuff. One tiny hitch: Patricia does not exist. Not in the “can’t be reached right now” sense, but in the “entirely fictional character” sense.
Even better, the envelope helpfully lists the printer’s address as the return address. Subtle. Sleek. Truly the Banksy of political operations.
Turn Left Media, sensing blood in the water, rang the number on the envelope and asked—politely, one assumes—for Patricia. Cue recorded call, cue awkward pause, cue printer cheerfully admitting that yes, they did indeed send the letters out. For a brief moment, honesty lived. The video can be found here.
They then went on to explain that this was official Reform party literature sent to people on the electoral register. Oops. Silly little slip. Happens to the best of us. You know—when your imaginary pensioner accidentally becomes an authorised political campaign.
But wait, there’s more…
There’s also the small, fiddly issue of the imprint. That boring bit of text that says “Printed by X on behalf of Y” and exists because democracy occasionally enjoys a paper trail. It is, inconveniently in this case, a legal requirement that it is, inconveniently, missing.
This means Reform may have—purely hypothetically, of course—broken electoral law. Naturally, Reform’s response was swift and decisive: blame the printers. I look forward to their response.
Yes, the same professional printers who, by their own admission, were responsible for most of Reform’s printing somehow didn’t notice a missing legal requirement on a full print run of party political material. Easy mistake. Happens all the time. Like forgetting to put wheels on a car.
And finally, let’s all cross our fingers and hope Reform remembered to declare the expense, because if they didn’t… well, things could get really messy.
So to recap:
• Fake pensioner
• Real letters
• Printer spills the beans on tape
• Legal imprint missing
• Expenses question mark
• Everyone points at everyone else
Democracy, folks. Working beautifully. 🍿
