Starmer, Mandleson and Epstien walk into a bar…

Keir Starmer has well and truly booted the ball into his own net, hasn’t he? Not just a toe-poke either — a slow-motion disaster.

Starmer admitted he knew about Peter Mandelson’s past association with Jeffrey Epstein and still waved him through to become British Ambassador to the good ol’ U-S of A. Then Starmer tells us Mandelson didn’t fully disclose his dealings—that some market-sensitive information may have been passed. Oh-come-on. Of course he didn’t. Since when do people hand their boss a neat bullet-point list titled “All the Things That’ll Ruin Us”? No shit, Sherlock.

My personal favourite is Mandelson’s pearl-clutching regret about “ever having known Epstein” and for maintaining contact after his conviction. A sentiment I imagine is currently being whispered—or screamed into pillows—by more than a few very prominent figures. And let’s be honest, there are probably some names still hiding in the shadows, with their phones and news outlets switched off.

Then comes Starmer’s apology tour, where he bravely tells the so-called ‘rebels’ he will not step down. Strong stuff. Inspirational, even. Which is presumably why Labour MPs have privately nudged Angela Rayner and Wes Streeting to consider launching a leadership challenge. History lesson: remember when Theresa May, Boris Johnson, and Liz Truss all said that exact same thing? Yeah, masterclasses in how that ends.

Now the government has to hand over papers that may prove… Let’s say unhelpful to Starmer’s continued employment prospects. Never ideal when documents become the main character.

Meanwhile, the Labour Party is clearly desperate for a win—any win—to distract us from the flaming skip fire currently roaring away. Expect some conveniently timed “good news” to drop very soon. Possibly involving funding, reform, or a hastily dusted-off slogan.

Popcorn at the ready.
The next few days could be very entertaining.